karyn lee!

Don't you ever for a second get to thinking, you're irreplaceable.

2012-02-01T19:25:00.000+08:00

As of late, I find myself feeling so disposable. I know I can't be a permanent fixture in anyone's lives, but why do I have to feel that I'm so easily replaceable and forgettable?

I've so many questions - wondering if I disappeared, would they still look for me or even notice that I'm gone? If I am even less than a fleeting thought or a forgotten memory in your mind, which is what I'm currently feeling now, then I guess not.

And then it feels like I never existed or walked into any of your lives.

Little Korea @ Solaris Mont Kiara.

2012-02-01T13:16:00.002+08:00

Foreword: I can't believe I'm about to type this on an empty stomach. Just looking at these pictures is making me salivate.

I've been craving for Korean BBQ for awhile now, so I've been bugging my friends to go and we finally set a date last week.

It was between Solaris Mont Kiara and Ampang, and our designated driver of the night decided he preferred driving to Solaris, so Little Korea it was.

This restaurant is pretty popular, judging from what I've been reading on food blogs. Even on a Thursday night, it was a full house.

Initially, we only wanted to order small platters of meat and a side dish of bulgogi, but the waiter suckered us into ordering a giant RM220 platter that has beef, pork, chicken and seafood. We swapped the seafood for more pork/beef though and gosh, we were all so full by the end of the night.

Admittedly, it was quite pricey, but considering the kind of meat we had and the amount we ate, I would say it was still reasonable. Plus, it's Chinese New Year, so we deserve a yummy meal :)

We had no problems finding this place even though all we knew was that the restaurant was at Solaris. You can't miss it.

Cute cups.

Their side dishes. Surprisingly, we kept refilling the kimchi even though none of us are big fans. Their kimchi isn't as strong as other restaurants, so I quite liked it.

The waiter there barbecued our meat, one after another, allowing us to happily eat nonstop. I would say their service is topnotch because our waiter was very helpful and efficient. He quickly refilled our lettuce and other side dishes each time that he saw it was empty.

Ordered a huge serving of bulgogi, meant for two pax to share. Again, the waiter scooped it into five individual bowls for us, so we wouldn't have to hog for it. But personally, I didn't think their bulgogi was as good as other places.

I think this was beef and it was so good.

So much meat. So happy.

I only snapped this picture after the first two rounds of meat, so you can imagine how much we had. I know the portions might look small in the picture, but when the meat out was spread out on the platter, it was a massive abundance of joy ;)

Round 3.

And 4.

See what I mean?

I wished I could eat this everyday :(

The final serving was the chicken, which none of us really fancied. They said it tasted like satay and I found the sauce to be weird.

Complimentary fruits.

And dessert, whatever this is. Barley?

Verdict: satisfied.

Here's the bill. A whopping RM5/bowl of rice. After splitting it, it came up to RM67/pax.

Thanks to my full stomach, I fell asleep in the car during our long journey to Kota Kemuning for an open house.

Vertigo - the sensation of dizziness.

2012-01-30T01:13:00.001+08:00

For the past two weeks, my friends have been endlessly bugging me to go clubbing with them. Initially, I kept saying, "okay, see how" which means I probably won't go.

Well, it's quite challenging/frustrating trying to convince me to enter a club, unless you persuade me like crazy. The final few days before their clubbing session, I kept declining and declining.

Instead, I promised I would join them for their dinner and gambling session, which was a mistake on my part. You should have seen their persuasion skills when they all ganged up on me! For every excuse I came up with, they retorted with something stronger.

In the end, I helplessly followed but I didn't regret it though ;)

They had a luxurious dinner at Overseas, but I ate earlier when I was out with another friend. Couldn't afford it anyway because poor me is currently saving up for a new phone.

Fat fat prawns.

After dinner, we went to Yuen/Booi/Mun's place in Kota Kemuning for the gambling sesh since we had so much time to kill.

And this was what the males were up to -_-

I like my bright red dress :) It only cost me RM25!

I lost money to the banker, boohoo.

Had some girly time while getting ready.

Do you know how hard it is trying to take a picture with two TALL girls? I took shot after shot but kept failing.

So Stacy took control and voila, perfect shot.

She's 10cm taller than me, so I had to tiptoe and she had to bend. Le sigh.

Anyway, at this point, I suddenly discovered that it was the time of the month for me :(

And I just had a can of beer before that :(

So alcohol + period = VERY BAD CRAMPS :( :( :(

Yeap, before my night even started, I was already suffering and in a lot of pain. Couldn't really stand.

Reached Vertigo at midnight.

Really packed that night but we made reservations beforehand.

Tiny little dancefloor, right beside our table.

I was sitting in a lot of the pictures due to my cramps. And I came up with a twisted solution to forget my pain, which was to numb my senses.

Lai Mun. We're 7 years apart in age, but I really sayang her and for the way she looks out for me.

Kevin, the main culprit to why I caved in and went that night.

As Mun said, "The Three Stooges".

With Shaun. Had to force him to muster a smile.

I like this picture. Sad that it's blur.

I'm not behind this.

Ok lah, lazy to caption from this point on.

Kevin wanted to buy a tequila shot for me, but another guy we just met that night ended up treating us both :D

On the way to McD's for supper.

All in all, a great night, except for the fact that my uterus was acting up :)

Dong dong dong chiang.

2012-01-28T10:09:00.000+08:00

Gotta say that I really love Chinese New Year, although my luck hasn't been that good this year. By that, I mean that my track record for gambling for the past five days wasn't great - win, lose, win, lose, lose :(

Anyway, I have finally gotten around to blogging about this festive season. I've been such a lazy ass because there are hundreds of photos stored in my iPhoto that I've yet to upload.

The only reason I'm doing it now at 9 in the morning is because I'm cursed to wake up really early after a night of drinking. This happens around eight out of ten times, sigh. WHY OH WHY.

Okay, pictures time!

Lou sang session #2 with my ex-colleagues again.

Some really good asam fish, where the asam is genuinely like the asam from asam laksa. Yum!

For the reunion dinner on the eve, we joined my dad's side, held at my uncle's place approximately 2km away from my house.

In the end, I couldn't make it for my mum's side because I didn't know how to drive there alone and my parents couldn't follow me :(

I'm not so good with using chopsticks for a bowl of rice.

What I look forward to every year, my aunt's abalone soup. So good that I had three bowls of this.

Lou sang #3. We have two portions, one for the third generation (aka me) and one for the adults. This year though, I joined the adults.

Attack! I absolutely love roasted pork.

With my one and only brother, who came back from the country down south for a few days. I know we don't really look alike because once, when I brought him along for my badminton session, most of my friends didn't believe he was my brother but thought he was my boyfriend -_-

TV room, where the younger crowd hangs out.

Porkie overload.

This was just one table of us.

After dinner, we watched a movie called 'The Flowers of War', which stars Christian Bale and some Chinese people. The movie was mainly in Mandarin, with some English coming from Mr Bale. It's about the infamous 1937 Nanjing massacre. Good movie, which I highly recommend. Beautiful cinematography and the war scenes were so damn real. Still, I couldn't believe all of us were huddled up in front of the tv watching people get their guts exploded and seeing children/women get raped T.T

He's only 15 months older.

Cool eh? Brandless can but the drink was tasty.

The very next morning, we departed to Teluk Intan @ Perak, which is actually both my mum's and dad's hometown. Their high schools were just opposite each other's but they met in KL. Sweet huh? :)

Their love story is really cute but that's another story for another day. But let's just say that my parents were definitely fated to be together. Anyway, it's a pretty small town, so my dad knew my mum's siblings and vice versa. Also, my grandfathers knew each other since they were young too. Imagine that.

Been a year since I came back and suddenly, there's a bunch of lady fingers growing.

The term balik kampung definitely suits me because I really go back to a kampung.

Mum's family minus two siblings because they weren't born yet at the time of the picture.

A must when you go into the toilets.

I was REALLY bored in the morning, while waiting for my cousins to arrive.

So I went around snapping pictures like these :) My cheongsam totally fitted the setting.

Even my brother was sleeping and not entertaining me :(

Such a noisy little fan.

My aunt was laughing at me by the side, which explains my laughter.

Pretty looking arch.

Clogs as high heels, hahahaha.

For the first time in many years, I had to bathe here, using the traditional method of scooping water. I usually just go over to my cousin's place to shower with the heater and everything.

Everyone said I made the toilet look so beautiful ;)

My favourite picture of the bunch.

Self timer shot, hee.

With my late grandpapa, who passed away 14 years ago. Although I was really young back then but I remember him so clearly. In my head, I can still picture him sitting at his favourite chair in that house and immediately asking me for a kiss when I came to visit him :'(

My aunt asked me to take a picture at the 'multi religious corner'. Spot the Buddha and the cross.

My mum wanted to snap this picture, to compare whether my face is bigger than a pomelo -.-

Dinner was at a seafood restaurant and omg, this was just TOO GOOD. Where can I find it in Selangor, can anyone tell me?

Such a good dinner.

With a multitude of crabs.

Dying lady finger.

Curly one.

Leaning clock tower. Dad stopped the car just so I could snap a picture. It changed colours every 3 seconds!

We bought 20 packets of the famous Teluk Intan chee cheong fan and the queue was so crazily long. Thankfully, we could jump queue because of our connections. Anyway, this is the reason why I never eat any other chee cheong fan because how can those plain ones compare to this?! Filled with bits of pork and shrimp.

Following morning, we went home. This is the advantage of being short because I could comfortably lie horizontally in the car with my bolster, booyah!

Wow this post took me an hour to type. Please read every word, thanks.

Beggars can't be choosers?

2012-01-27T14:45:00.002+08:00

The last exam of my student life ended on 26th November 2011.

I relaxed in December, justifying to myself and to everyone else that no one starts job hunting in such a month since it's the end of the year.

So I waited till the first week of January before I began submitting my resumes to companies and I only kickstarted this because there was a career fair nearby. The following week, I had a number of interviews lined up, ending with all of them saying that they'll contact me after Chinese New Year.

Was then offered a job by one of the companies two days ago. But I'm turning it down because it's not what I want, as I really don't see myself liking that kind of job scope. The only reason I would even say yes would be for the decent starting salary.

So my only internal struggle is, what if I'm letting something go when I haven't even secured anything else? What if I'm not good enough to get something better? Beggars can't be choosers, so does that mean I can't choose? Apparently, how often are we lucky enough to do something we actually enjoy doing, furthermore as a fresh grad in this freaking rat race? And as a fresh grad, who has no experience whatsoever, would I even know what I would like and what I wouldn't?

But my question is, does that mean I should just settle and accept the first thing that comes my way?

Sigh.

Regardless, I'm thankful for my supportive parents who don't want to pressure me into doing anything I don't want to do. My dad told me not to worry and just turn it down if I know in my heart that it's not what I want to do.

They are giving me more time to be 'on holiday', on the sole condition that I stop having such a screwed up sleeping cycle (often sleeping in the morning and only waking up in the evening) and be a normal human.

Will do!

Just give me time. I promise I won't be fussy, but I just don't want to regret my choices and succumb because of external pressures.

Gong xi fa cai!

2012-01-24T11:29:00.001+08:00

This was a row of consecutive (failed) self-timer shots, taken in the beautiful setting of my antique kampung house.

Couldn't compose myself in time to take a proper shot because I was too busy laughing.

CNY was great. Although I only went back for a night and chose to come home in the morning just now (despite protests from my relatives, coaxing me to follow them back instead and stay another night), it was a good trip. Detailed post soon.

Still, I'm forever a city girl at heart.

One or two nights back there is enough for me because the place is pretty dull. Was also getting tired of squatting to pee and bathing with a scoop from a pail of water.

p/s:
I was as happy as I looked.

Le Love.

2012-01-22T18:40:00.000+08:00

"There is a time for everything, and now is my time to heal. To grow strong and be whole in myself. Learn to live with myself, my scars and my memories. Learn how to always feel safe within and not let that one single frightened voice in my head (the ego) stop me from having an open heart and dare to love unlimited.

What has been, has been. What is now is now. The rest is still unwritten."

- Stefany Alves.

Stumbled upon these words and it spoke out to me.

Just another.

2012-01-22T04:22:00.001+08:00

The past few days have been terrible for me. Thoughts I try to push away keep creeping in and they won't go away. Maybe I only thought I had fixed myself along the way, but I actually remained broken all along.

I'm stuck in a miserable rut that I can't get out of.

Please Karyn, pull yourself together.

To be unaffected.

2012-01-21T09:25:00.000+08:00

I'm nobody in your life.

Hence, you'll be no one in my life too.

Sick sick sick die die die.

2012-01-20T06:40:00.001+08:00

I dunno what the heck happened.

There I was, enjoying my scrumptious dinner - had another lou sang session again, along with some delicious Chinese food. Went for Starbucks after that and right after finishing my frappucino, I felt my throat getting itchy.

In an instant!

One minute I was fine, the next minute, I just knew I was falling sick.

Immediately panicked because Chinese New Year is in two days and there's so much food waiting for me! HOW CAN I BE SICK?! Why must you deprive me?!?!

To worsen matters, it's my girlfriend's birthday today and it's a BBQ party. How can I resist barbecued food?

So, I tried to drink a lot of water and took that Chinese syrup (chuin pui peh pa koh or whatever you call it) but it was too late. The damage has already been done.... to my throat.

Soon after, I was attacked by a runny nose too and now, tissues have inevitably become my best friend. For convenience sake, I really feel like stuffing a tampon up my nose WTH.

And I really wanted to get my rest but my painful throat woke me up in the middle of the night. Sigh. Please let me get well soon. C'mon, nose/throat. I just wanna eat without worries.

A clutter of random things.

2012-01-19T04:29:00.000+08:00

Constantly switching back and forth between my Safari and Firefox browsers are confusing me. The stupid 'x' on the tabs are placed on opposite ends. Speaking of which, I love opening a gazillion tabs.

I realised how dependent I am on Wikipedia today. I am a total wiki junkie because I wiki just about everything. I wiki the plot of the movies I'm about to watch; I then wiki it again after watching it (this time, properly reading it rather than just skimming); I wiki all the series that I watch and constantly go back to the same page throughout the time I'm watching the show - right now, it's Big Bang Theory and I visit its wiki page at least three times a day, no kidding; I wiki about all actors and actresses - usually to find out their age or to see what other shows they've starred in; I wiki about historical figures - the worst was after reading The Other Boleyn Girl and going on a King Henry phase; I wiki about economics/physics/finance theories; I wiki about famous wars/murders/cases and so much more. Please don't take Wikipedia away from me :(

I find it so ridiculous how our mind understands and acknowledges that someone is treating us like shit and that we deserve better, yet our heart stubbornly wants what it wants and it usually wants what's bad for us.

My birthday is next month and as I get older and more and more people around me are attached, I feel the curse of being a Valentine baby.

Lately, I'm constantly being fed up with myself for not knowing how to drive to so many places or to even get on certain highways or knowing what roads connect to where.

Worried I've corneal ulcer but too much of a pussycat to go and check (I know, I know, please don't nag). It even hurts when I apply eyedrops and is extremely sensitive to sunlight. Will just resort to wearing specs everywhere and hope that my left eye is cured come Chinese New Year.

Sometimes, I think I need to have more feminine traits. I wear flip flops 90% of the time because I can't be bothered to wear heels, I am so disorganised and messy (be it my notes, my books, my room, my closet, my laptop), I find it burdensome to remove makeup so I rarely apply makeup unless there's a need to, I can't cook to save my life, I sleep around 4am every night and wake up in the mid afternoon, and so many more. Maybe I'm secretly a male in disguise and I guess with that, I've scared off the entire heterosexual male population from coming near me.

I am tired, goodbye.

Calorie counter.

2012-01-18T01:06:00.000+08:00

Too tired to compose my thoughts, the very ones that are weighing me down. Suck it up, Karyn. Complaining wouldn't help one bit.

I'll just stick to blogging about something mindless like... food.

I can officially say I've been a slob lately and I guess it's showing because everyone's been commenting on my noticeable weight gain once again, boo. Haven't done any exercise, with the exception of my weekly badminton sessions since my gym pass ended in December. Told myself to go jogging in the evenings but till now, I haven't moved my butt yet.

Although I've eliminated supper from my everyday meals (except once, when I had asam laksa - I mean, how can I say no to asam laksa??), the food that I consume for lunch and dinner are nothing but healthy :(

Let's have a look below, shall we?

1. Tony Roma's @ Sunway Pyramid.

With Mindy.

The boy with the huge grin treated us to lunch :)

With my girls.

Some kinda platter. Yum yum.

Some kinda shrimp. I'm not a big fan of shrimp.

Full rack of beef ribs.

Huge ass plate of pasta.

And another.

2. Uncle Jang Korean Restaurant @ Puchong.

The Ampang branch was better.

Portions seem smaller here too.

3. Overseas Restaurant @ Subang Parade.

Went there mainly to lou sang. I don't really know the purpose of this but it's what we Chinese do, so yeah.

Mess we made.

All my favourite females during my internship last year.

Gosh, this was so good. It's called the sea treasures or something like that.

Each female picked a dish, so mine was the steamed assam fish.

Dessert. I only ordered a bowl because I didn't wanna be left out, haha.

4. Yap Chuan bah kut teh @ Puchong.

Favourite! Yau mak.

One of the best things to eat on a rainy night.

Hung out here, The Geographer Adventure @ IOI Boulevard for a change of scene from the usual OT or Library. Uh, bad idea.

Classic! Picture of the night.

The boys' feeble attempts.

Look at my retarded eye!

Rushed to Loudspeaker @ First Subang for a midnight karaoke session since it's half the price of Neway.

Hilarious night. I especially loved it when we spammed those 90's songs. Can't get any better than singing to good old BSB, Britney, Spice Girls, M2M, Savage Garden etc with your buddies ;) Oh, Chicago, Air Supply, Peter Pan, and Samsons were the shiznit too.

CNY is next week but once again, there is no CNY mood in the air for me. My family isn't going back to my beloved hometown (I am heartbroken), so I don't know if I want to follow my other relatives down without them :(

Also, there's no reunion lunch on the eve this year (where can!!) and my dad and mum's sides are clashing for the reunion dinner. Gotta find a way to split myself in half without getting lost?

The freshie life.

2012-01-16T13:48:00.001+08:00

Was THIS close to such a horrible accident in the morning on the way to downtown KL.

Just imagine the traffic police yelling his head off at you, motorcyclists being pissed and having ten lanes of motorcyclists nearly collide into my car (the driver's side aka me).

Sigh. I'm so sorry, strangers.

If that wasn't enough, I went through three hours of assessments - an essay about my future 5 years down the line, a numerical test (my brain's super rusty after 1.5 months of inactivity) and a verbal test (easy - wordplay is still my thing yo) at the god forsaken hour of 9am.

Mind you, I woke up at 6am after only four hours of sleep, so my brain is still cursing me as we speak.

Finally, it ended with the interview, where I discovered that I don't even want to dive into such an industry (actually knew it beforehand but I just wanted to confirm it). I hated learning about it, why am I making it into my career? Doesntmakesense!

When I was providing answers, I realised they were all crafted and not genuine. Giving them what they wanted to hear, not what I really felt.

I know I'll probably hate my job/life if I go down this path, so being happy should be my priority right? Or do I just pick the easier and more secured path to financial wealth?

My heart says I should go for the job I would choose/like, all else equal (by that, I mean salary).

And if all that weren't enough, parking cost me RM14 for less than 4 hours. Yippee ;)

Hm.

Stupid crossroad.

Sent via BlackBerry

The smallest things go a long way.

2012-01-16T00:25:00.001+08:00

I am forever grateful for the friends I have that are willing to go out of their way to help me.

While it's so easy for me to feel disappointed when friends let me down (and usually over something trivial - one of my many flaws that I'm working on), I tend to forget how so many people willingly extend help when I do need a hand or are just there for me without my asking.

Reminder to self: focus and remember the positive, rather than dwelling on the negative.

Just today -

My friend taught me how to get to KL, so I wouldn't get lost when I really do need to go to KL. He could have easily lent his GPS to me (which he also did) but he wanted to calibrate it for me and key in the respective coordinates so it would be easier for me to get to the places I wanna go.

Or the friend who printed something for me after I tweeted for a favour. We're not even close (barely exchange two words when we do hang out) but he extended his help since he lives within the vicinity of my neighbourhood.

And when I think about it, I am lucky enough to be able to count my blessings every single day for all the little things in my life.

How my girlfriend walks me to my car to make sure I'm safe and reminds me to text her when I reach home, how my best friend always asks me what I feel like eating when it's supper time and then orders just that because he knows I like stealing his food, how my friend dropped by my house with all the Big Bang Theory episodes because I don't have them nor do I know how to download them, so on and so forth.

It doesn't have to be something big because all the small things, they touch my heart and make me smile :)

Weekend getaway.

2012-01-14T05:22:00.001+08:00

If you've been paying attention to my posts or glancing through my FB albums, you would have noticed that I went to Genting (or more specifically, Gohtong Jaya since we stayed there) last weekend. So yeah, I've finally decided to blog about it just because I want to remember.

Was indeed a very relaxing and fun trip. The only party who would complain would probably be my liver. Anyway, everyone had such a good time that we're attacking Penang next month, heh :)

So I went with five other friends and we took three cars there because each male decided to drive. Had lunch at Ara Damansara first and half an hour later, we arrived at our destination.

I chose to sit in Joshua's car for obvious reasons. He has a huge ass tv right in front of the passenger seat. I watched Lion King at first, couldn't stand it and switched over to Labor Pains. Lindsay Lohan's boobs are like whoah.

Accommodation was provided by Shaun who has a 3-room apartment there.

I took the room with the bunk bed but in the end, I had to share that single top bed with Mindy because someone got drunk and crashed our bottom bed. Yeah, imagine that. Luckily, I don't really move around while I sleep and neither does she.

Dead ladybug!

Lazed around in the evening playing Blackjack (replacing money with shots) and that's when I knew my luck was total shit, so I stayed away from gambling.

With my lovely girls, who I met while I did my internship. I'm the outsider in the group since they are all working adults and colleagues.

Strong lady. I think she's only 5 kilos heavier than me.

She's 2 years older than me and she got stopped at the casino but not me. This can only mean that I look old. But yeah, the guards didn't even bat their eyelids when I entered twice with flip flops on different days and at both casinos.

Accommodation provider, same province kid and fellow Liverpool fan.

Dinner was at Gohtong Jaya too. I love hot Chinese tea in these mini cups.

Kangkung belacan, fav.

Assam fish.

No idea what this was, but it was good.

Sizzling plate tofu. Total bill for five dishes = RM16/head. Reasonable right?

Squeezed six of us in the car and took the drive up to Genting to visit Ripley's Believe It or Not. It was my first time there.

It was pretty boring and that's coming from a geek who enjoys absorbing nonsensical trivia and facts. Save your time and just stick to the series.

Big chair, small me.

The torture chair.

Luckiest chair, my ass.

With the world's tallest man.

No prizes for guessing my shadow.

Group picture!

And what's Genting without dropping by this place?

Enjoying the cold cold cold mist.

Came back to the apartment very late, watched Grown Ups and then they started their session -_-

The first time I was introduced to Kevin during badminton, my first sentence to him was, "How old are you?" I don't know why, I think I need to improve my interaction skills.

She's so adorable here.

Yes dad, I'm still straight.

After going to bed around 4-ish, Lai Mun automatically woke up around 9am, got super hungry and bugged the rest of us to get up for breakfast. GOSH.

So we had some bah kut teh and instantly went back to sleep for an afternoon nap.

Had a small gotong royong session before we got ready to visit Genting again.

Was raining in the late afternoon, super cold!

I've been slacking on my healthy diet. Evidence above.

They went to casino after our extremely late lunch and everyone won. Kev was the biggest winner of all and the kind soul treated all of us to some Tony Roma's a few days later, which you'll obviously see being featured on my blog soon.

Anyway, I got home around 10pm and immediately went out for supper with my friends. Visited Keng Yew and Hong Jiun's newly opened restaurant, Oregi @ SS15. Those two boys were my classmates in Form 4 and 5, so show them some support okay :)

Had the carbonara - RM11, cooked by chef Keng Yew! It was yummy and I'm not being biased.

And since we had nothing to do, I don't know how our night suddenly ended with us watching The Human Centipede (First Sequence).

The twisted movie suggestion was from me though, haha! Just read the link and you'll know that it was probably the most disgusting/horrific movie I've ever seen. Had a hard time keeping my eyes glued to the screen but I heard Part 2's worse and I'm game for watching that. Any takers?

Tip: don't eat while watching.

p/s:

Sorry if my post sounds like an elementary school kid was behind it. It's 5.21 am and the English Nazi in me went to sleep hours ago.

Peter Pan syndrome.

2012-01-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

I look my happiest when I get to release my inner child by doing silly stunts or when I'm being amused by ridiculous things. I still enjoy blowing bubbles and will never pass up a chance to receive a balloon from a clown. I squeal in delight when I see adorable objects and laugh at myself when I learn about common sense things that I should have already known.

A part of me will always be a little kid inside and that's what makes me... me.

p/s:
That stupid cute hat costs RM39.90 and I'll probably never wear it in my life.

Leave the past behind me.

2012-01-12T05:52:00.000+08:00

Amidst all the YouTubing that I'm doing in the dead of the night for all of Jim Parsons' clips (which somehow ended up with me being teary eyed, as I rewatched all of Friends' final moments - go figure), I am suddenly washed over with sadness.

My mind wandered off to trying to solve the mystery of why I'm not happy most of the time. While I might not be sad or hating my life, I don't feel happy either.

To be honest, I can't remember the last time I was truly happy and soaking it all in. Every single time I feel happy, I immediately wonder when it'll all be taken away from me. In my head, my happiness is fleeting.

And maybe, subconsciously, I drive the happiness out of my life and this reinforces my belief that I'll never and can never be happy. Do I still make sense?

Deep inside me, I don't know if it's because I think I don't deserve to be happy or that I just don't love myself or who I am. I am at a constant struggle with myself by thinking that I will never be good enough; something that has haunted me and started while I was growing up and taunted at me at every chance.

I really thought I had killed those inner demons of mine during my Form 5 days and all my insecurities and esteem issues were long forgotten. But writing this post makes me realise that everything still affects me badly (that is, when I choose to come to terms with it), to the point where my eyes are brimming with tears now.

If I can help it, I always rather avoid confrontations and this applies even to myself. I avoid confronting myself or admitting painful truths. It's no surprise that I prefer pushing certain thoughts away, tucking them in the corner of my mind until it decides to attack me out of the blue - just like an hour ago.

There is so much negativity stored inside me that I bottle up, things that I don't share with people simply because I don't like talking or even thinking about them.

And the end result is me - whatever the hell I am right now. But the thing is, if I can't even find happiness within me, where else can I find it?

I'm tired of how everything has been and I know I have a choice here. Therefore, I need to start making conscious changes in how I think and slowly but surely, happiness will find me.

Wishing I understood.

2012-01-12T00:27:00.002+08:00

Today, someone forwarded a link to me, regarding the 'Top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed'. An article that I've stumbled upon before but have long forgotten about. Thank you for the reminder.

The two main regrets that I would most likely commit are definitely: 1) I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me, and 5) I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Even now, I think I am frequently living a life that serves to meet the expectations of others and I'm always restricting myself from truly being happy. Sigh.

On another note, I am sorry I couldn't be better. Currently, I am not in a position where I feel like putting anyone above myself. For that, I know I am selfish.

The road not taken.

2012-01-10T23:05:00.001+08:00

I always thought I would listen to my heart and not be influenced by external factors. I don't want to be someone who gets swayed by money, by status, by my own ego, and by what people think and put all of that above my own happiness - but evidently, a part of me is.

Sigh, why am I so scared to lose?

However, at the end of the day, I'm the one who has to live my life and I'm the one who has to go through the consequences of whatever choices I make.

Dear self, follow your heart, you can't go wrong.

Whatever will be, will be.

2012-01-09T22:15:00.001+08:00

Latest happenings:

1. I've become more and more selfish, placing my happiness over anyone else's.

2. Apparently, I've turned into a heartless cold bitch too.

3. My ego is bigger than J.Lo's and Beyonce's asses put together, but it's not like I never knew this.

4. I've started job hunting. Finally. Started getting freaked out by all the pressure I've been receiving, be it from seeing fellow peers already securing jobs; fear of not being good enough to even get a good job; immense fear of failing; and because I hated all those questions like, "You still haven't gotten a job yet?" Geez, I'm allowed a 1.5 month break (hasn't even been 1.5 months yet) after studying for 14 years.

5. Can't decide if I'm more worried about the interview itself or about getting to the interview location without getting lost, sigh.

6. My own perception of myself about how worthy I am as a human being has sunk to an all time low lately.

7. Went to Genting for the weekend. To be specific, Gohtong Jaya since my friend has a place there. Free accommodation, free petrol, free booze, good company.

8. I really need to start improving myself, on every level.

Gluttony at its finest.

2012-01-06T04:00:00.001+08:00

First up, just wanna wish a Happy Birthday to a dear friend, Raymond :)

Thanks for all the times you planned all those great trips for us (we appreciate it more than you know) and also for entertaining us everytime there's alcohol involved ;) Have a great birthday k!

To be perfectly honest, I feel useless lately. And I think that sums up how I feel in nearly every aspect of my life.

My greatest achievement of the week (basically, the entire 2012 so far) would probably be how I successfully drove to Cyberjaya without really getting lost (I was only a little lost but still not totally lost, geddit?) and hah, I didn't panic either.

However, that might have had something to do with the fact that the best friend was in the car with me, so I wasn't going through the ordeal alone. The boy tagged along to keep me company and to make sure I wouldn't end up in another state. Well, even though he refused to provide me with directions, but only offering delayed feedback AFTER I made the wrong turnings, eg: "Karyn, you know you were supposed to turn right, right?" till I begged for him to redirect me to the correct route, I am still pretty proud of myself. *beams

Before I digress any further, let me continue on with my post, which is intended to show you how much I've been eating lately.

....Healthy lifestyle? What healthy lifestyle? Le sigh.

Went to our regular vegetarian restaurant in Taipan on the 1st of Jan for my parents' 25th anniversary. The silver anni, or so they say :) This is vegetarian curry mutton. Not bad, not bad at all.

Kangkung belacan that can give other kangkung belacans a run for their money.

My fav vegetarian dish of all. The fake buttered prawns, yums.

Claypot tofu. Who knew vegetarian food could taste so good?

The following night, I went down to Klang with my friends to have dinner at Boston. We waited for 1.5 hours before our food arrived.

What I would call their signature dish. The nestum heyko.

A steamed egg so ugly, I don't even know why I bothered snapping a picture. I think my mum's one is better.

Kangkung belacan. I preferred the vegetarian one I mentioned earlier because this was a bit too watery.

Salted fish with pork belly. Okay only.

The other must have there, the steamed lalas with ginger. I ate so many, totally yummy.

I love squishy seafood.

Last night, went to Mama's Kitchen @ Puchong with the high school girlfriends. We just drove past the place and randomly picked it. This is their claypot loh shu fan, which I think is their famous dish but it was only so-so for me.

Creamy buttered chicken. Sinful sinful sinful.

Some kinda pork.

Baby kai lan.

We went to The Library @ IOI Boulevard after that, but I skipped the drinks for this session.

So cute, no?

We were all in the same class when we were 9, became best friends at 15, drifted apart somewhat during our uni years, but found our way back to each other again only recently and I'm thankful :) psst, Ade, don't worry, you are not forgotten.

With Jing, person who sat beside me throughout my Form 4 & 5 life. Also the person who worked as a waitress with me when I was 15 and 16. Good times.

The guys dropped by too and all these people were probably my closest and dearest back in school, with the exception of my own classmates (only Jing and I were in sub science while they were all Bio people).

Best friends since '06. No matter how far he sails away and how many times or how long I sulk and refuse to talk to him, I know he'll always be there for me. Are you reading this?

My dinner just now, Zen @ Pyramid, with two of my long time buddies.

Beef steak something.

Curry udon, which I had to finish for my guy friend with a small appetite. Gee.

Some tempura.

Soft shelled crabs.

Caterpillar roll. Pretty meh for me.

Dragon roll!

Saba fish set or something like that.

The spread for the three of us, thanks to my friend who ordered like a king and treated us to dinner.

Ended the night at OverTime @ Pyramid and I finally learned how to play that Chinese dice game!

p/s:
Sometimes, I am so terrified that I will suck at life. My deepest fears are getting the best of me, that I'll be nothing but a failure. I wished I could see what people see in me and actually start believing in them too.

Hello 2012!

2012-01-03T04:13:00.002+08:00

I have been so busy lately, that I barely have the time to laze around, to even start applying for jobs (sigh, time to face the tough reality, Karyn Lee), or to even exercise. On a sidenote, it's scary how much my metabolism rate has drastically slowed down over the last year. iSad.

Anyway, reason being I usually wake up around lunch time everyday and my entire afternoon will then be spent helping my mum bake/pack CNY cookies. It's a taxing job because there are so damn many orders and so little time :(

And every night, I'm usually out till around 1-2 am and by the time I get home, I'm too tired to do anything.

Last week was worse, since it was THE ultimate holiday season, filled with way too many celebrations. Here are pictures! I really don't remember what else I've been up to unless I have pictures to help trigger my memory.

Wednesday - Jenny's 21st birthday bash at a bar in Empire. Always the last of our lot to officially turn a year older.

And a few days later, hey, we're all 22 in 2012! Boo.

There was so much booze but my liver was terrified, so I didn't touch anything. Still, at least the birthday girl was pretty smashed, as tradition goes ;)

Part of my high school gang. We were all classmates in Form 4 & 5 and it seems like just yesterday :( Don't mind me, I'm just feeling extra nostalgic today.

Tiffany looking red velvet cake!

The toilet was really, really nice. I couldn't help it.

What kinda toilet has a chair like this inside?!

**

Friday - Eric's Christmas party and also Simon's Christmas party.

Their parties clashed dates in 2010 and in 2011, they clashed again. So just like the previous year, I tore myself into two and attended both.

At Eric's house, watching a dance battle. Super hilarious, I laughed till my tummy ached!

11pm-12.30am: went to Simon's place and had to drink a few beers before he would allow Jing and I to leave. He basically told us that he would have slaughtered us if we didn't show our faces there.

Went back to Eric's after that, so we could exchange our Secret Santa presents :)

**

Saturday - New Year's Eve dinner and countdown!

To reenact 2010's events, we had Korean for dinner again. The only difference is, in a year, I actually found myself loving Korean food. The first time I had it back on that faithful New Year's Eve day, I detested it.

So we took two cars and went all the way to Ampang (known for their Korean village) and had dinner at a restaurant called Uncle Jang. It's not the typical Korean BBQ kinda restaurant because the main dish they have there is Dak Galbi.

I would say it's something different and interesting. My table had the spicy one and woooh, everyone was sweating by the end of the meal.

Some rice cake, cabbage, chili powder and chicken and who knows what else.

Wearing an apron.

The waiter there will do all the cooking while you just sit and watch.

By this time, I was definitely salivating.

Adding in the udon.

Voila! Ready to eat. Oh, the waiter only served me by giving me an entire bowlful while the rest had to help themselves. Well, probably because I looked incapable of serving myself but I'm not complaining.

Next stop, we went to Changkat Bukit Bintang and randomly picked a place to go. We wanted Werner's but some of the guys were wearing short, which wasn't allowed.

So in the end, we went to another bar/club and it was the wrong choice for us because... uhhh.. never mind.

A round of Jagerbombs to kickstart the night.

With Mr Chan.

I know, the horns just don't go well with me right?

Poison.

At midnight, we went out to watch a very obstructed/lousy view of the fireworks. The sad thing was, so many fireworks were going off everywhere around us, but most of them were blocked by all the buildings.

Random stranger from the next table asking for a picture, go figure.

Was a fun night except for the emo moment I had at the stroke of midnight :(

And the amount of times I got sprayed by that stupid snow thing by my friends and having my cheeks pinched? Uncountable.

Goodbye 2011.

2011-12-31T04:39:00.001+08:00

Gotta say, 2011 wasn't exactly the best year for me.

In a nutshell, here are the highlights and lowlights of the year:

Welcomed 2011 with a bang - lying down on a hill with my closest friends and just staring at the prettiest fireworks display I've ever seen.

Completed a 2.5 month internship with Maersk Line. Met some really great colleagues who I still hang out with till today and regularly play badminton with every Tuesday.

Got lost driving home from Glenmarie to Subang by going to Ara Damansara to USJ to Kota Kemuning to some lost ulu part of Klang, heading towards Port Klang. Ended up crying, lol!

Celebrated my 21st birthday with 21 friends. Got drunk, puked a lot and suffered from a major hangover; resulting in me being very scared of whiskey till this very day. Even the smell is enough to make me feel nauseous.

One of my most memorable gifts of the year was a map of Malaysia (so I won't get lost) and a box of tissues (in case I cry if I do get lost) from my ex-colleagues.

First year I gave my parents a chunk of my salary because I decided it was time to start giving back, rather than just treating them to a meal or buying gifts.

On the 11th of March, my ex-classmate passed away. Although I wasn't really close to him and I lost touch after he graduated, it was a huge blow to me. For days/weeks, I faced sleepless nights because he kept lingering in my mind. Those emotions I felt while attending his wake and funeral will probably be something I'll never forget. Rest in peace, AL. I still think of you and check your page every once in awhile.

Wrote a pissed off FB note about the parking problem at my university and it starting spreading like wildfire, out of my control. HAHA. Two seconds of fame. Totally freaked me out, so I deleted it after that.

Melaka. Food. Less than RM50 spent. Need I say more?

Made a momma's day card.

Somehow joined the events and promotion team for my uni magazine because I thought it would look good on my resume and from there, I was roped in to join their editorial board for a few months. Wrote about things I never thought I would write about like... Battlefield.

Being a fangirl for Lee Dewyze. Enough said. He sings like an angel live, unlike other singers who can't perform live for nuts.

Broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years just two weeks before my finals. Wouldn't call it an ugly one that ended on bad terms (we are still friends now), just that it had no proper closure because we were doing LDR and it ended due to external circumstances beyond our control. Took me awhile to get over it (those months were probably the lowest times of my year) and I can say that it's changed me. Wouldn't say it's for better or for worse, but I'm more cynical these days. Upside? I still fared well for my exams ;)

Went to Penang, which was one of my best trips to date. I think that was the turning point where I started feeling happier. I also hiked for 3km to catch a sunset in the evening and hiked back in pitch black darkness in the jungle with nothing but a few torchlights to guide us. Totally awesome experience! Never knew I was a nature person till that day.

Watched a drifting competition. Hi Tommy.

Quit blogging for awhile because I was sick of myself and all the depressing posts I was churning out. I don't think anyone really knew how low I was feeling at that point in my life.

Went to the Planetarium, National Science Centre and National Museum. No matter what, I'll always be a geek at heart.

Went to Genting to celebrate Merdeka and my friend's birthday. Stepped into the casino for the first time and hated it.

Lost three good friends for reasons I don't want to state, all in a row. It saddened me greatly but I'm happy that one by one, they are all coming back into my life again.

Girl meets boy. Girl falls for boy against own will. Girl ignored brain. Girl made bad choices, one after another. Girl followed heart, basically. Girl hurts guy badly. Girl feels like shit everyday. Girl puts walls up once again. Girl can only say sorry.

Finally graduated after 24 subjects, 3 years, 6 semesters. Not that happy since I prefer studying over working/being a responsible adult, but nonetheless it's still an achievement.

Went to the gym thanks to a one month pass and I became a health freak. It's probably the fittest that I've been in 4 years and I actually discovered that I like exercising. Too bad I know this healthy lifestyle of mine won't last and I'll grow flabby again since my membership ended yesterday. Oh, but I've also signed up for bootcamp and that's something the old couch potato Karyn would never have done :)

Perfectly ended this with 21 things since I'm now closing my chapter as a 21 year old. I hope 2012 will be a better year for me and for all of you too.

Happy new year everyone. May we all learn from our mistakes and actually stick to our resolutions for once.

The black heart.

2011-12-29T17:23:00.000+08:00

Unintentionally, I keep hurting people.

I never mean to because feelings aren't something I can fully control; but indirectly or directly, I seem to cause pain to others due to the lack of reciprocation on my side.

If I could have it my way, I would want to please everyone but I really can't. It's like a lose-lose for me. If I put my happiness first, someone else has to suffer. The inverse is true if I choose to be selfless because I won't be happy either.

Kills me so much to know that I'm the origin of all this hurt and I'm being consumed by guilt because of my inability to do anything or to even make things better.

Never again. Let me just hide.

Sent via BlackBerry

Strangers, again.

2011-12-29T02:56:00.002+08:00

I really want to talk to you but there's a thick concrete wall between us now.

Untitled.

2011-12-28T18:54:00.001+08:00

The path ahead will shine brightly. Eventually. The ache will go away. Eventually. Everything turns into nothing but a mere memory and fades away. Eventually.

It's all a matter of time. A cliche but it's true.

Sent via BlackBerry

Flaming illusion tequila.

2011-12-26T04:10:00.002+08:00

I spent my Christmas Eve at Sunway Giza with a lot of shots/beers and good friends. I really don't remember any of us wishing each other a Merry X'mas though.

Still, 'twas a great night that ended with no vomiting and no hangover. Win :)

Having a Jappy dinner.

With these two guys.

With one of my favourite people in the world, Jojo.

Went to Overtime first because we couldn't get a better location at the eleventh hour.

With Johan, my gooood friend.

Buy one barrel, free five pints.

RM100 worth of shots which were gone in under a minute thanks to Jo and I.

Next, a flaming.

*frowns

So shy because everyone was looking at us and... never mind.

Called for a second round of shots because these were so damn yummy.

And that's the story of how my friend spent RM250 in under five minutes.

My young friends.

Still very normal and happy.

At the stroke of midnight, we switched locations.

With Ian, my dongsaeng.

Super trio.

This tequila shot was super strong and probably the tipping point for me.

Automatically went into the super happy zone after that.

I wonder what's in store for New Year's Eve? :)

Hohoho? Hihihi.

2011-12-25T15:08:00.001+08:00

I don't celebrate Christmas so for me, Christmas Eve is the perfect excuse to go out, be crazy and have fun.

Merry X'mas everyone and merry hangover to most of you.

Proper post next :)

p/s:
I'm happy to have made amends and cleared up misunderstandings with my childhood friends just before Christmas. It feels good. Hence, my new year's resolution will be to let bygones be bygones.

Shabu Shabu @ Bandar Puteri Puchong.

2011-12-24T03:34:00.001+08:00

Had shabu shabu the other day in Puchong since we went there to look for Lisa. I was digging the whole conveyor belt concept where I could just pick anything I wanted.

But guess what, out of all the available choices, the first thing I took was french fries hahaha.

Anyway, it's not really a good dining location if you want to catch up with a big group of friends. Chances are, you won't get to sit at a proper table, so seven of us were actually stretched out in a row which made it hard to talk.

The environment. I also like how we each get our own hot pot but the downside was, there was only one type of soup :(

A must have there would be their pork slices.

After this initial food picture, I was too busy eating for the following hour to snap anything.

It's RM30 nett. So if you suck at eating buffets, I wouldn't recommend you to go.

With Lisa, who's back for the holidays :)

The mess we made.

Group picture, a must.

My best friend said this to me after looking through my pictures, "Congratulations Karyn! You're officially a normal person and no longer underweight."

Went to Meeples @ SS15 to play some boardgames. I'm an inner geek who loves boardgames! I actually used to frequent this place a lot, till the staff would ask me, "Your regular game?" But I couldn't find anymore geeky kakis to go with :(

Playing Saboteur. I enjoy sabo-ing people.

Still my favourite game there, Dixit.

Shot at midnight, that's why the place looked so empty.

Their collection of European boardgames. Take note that they don't carry those mainstream stuff like Monopoly, Taboo, Pictionary, etc. I wished they did though.

Alright, time to sleep. Merry X'mas everyone!

Creating an ass out of you and me.

2011-12-23T01:44:00.000+08:00

How ironic is it when you've created so many assumptions about someone, only to realise that they've created the exact same assumptions abut you? The funny thing is, they were all rooted from one big misunderstanding.

Today was a fairly good day, right up until that message. I really do hope that it's always darkest before dawn.

Shop till you drop.

2011-12-22T05:27:00.001+08:00

Did a little CNY shopping with Sha in KL a few days ago. We skipped gym to go shopping! Well, to push aside the guilt we felt, she justified that shopping is considered a form of exercise.

So we went there by public transportation, opting for the more reliable and efficient LRT/monorail and I think it's been a little over a year since I've sat in a train (or whatever you call it). As for the ride home, we only left around 5.30pm. And according to Sha, I would most probably burst into tears if I was stuck in the KTM during peak hour.

Thus, she came up with the brilliant idea of taking the bus back to Pyramid and we could also continue with our shopping.

The last time I sat in a bus was in 2007.

After more shopping, I went back to her house to raid her closet because she wanted to give away some of her old clothes to me - the ones she couldn't fit into anymore or the ones she no longer liked. The depressing thing was, I couldn't fit into most of her old shorts/skirts because I recently grew a bum, no kidding.

And to quote her tweet, "That happyhappyjoyjoy moment when your skinniest friend can't fit into your old clothes either so you don't feel so bad :)"

Sigh.

Haul for the day: I only bought around eight items and the rest were from Sha :)

Alright, I gotta head to bed. It's almost morning.

p/s:
I used to have the life. I don't anymore.

Monsters.

2011-12-21T17:18:00.000+08:00

At our very core, we are all hypocrites.

Often, we don't practise what we preach. We wished others would do so and so, or act like this and that. But really, when we look at ourselves in the mirror and start analysing, don't you see everything you hate in people hidden somewhere inside yourself too?

I learnt that I can't expect certain things from others, when I can't even do it myself.

Food for thought.

2011-12-20T16:33:00.001+08:00

Don't just settle and take whatever knocks on your door or you will get less than you deserve.

But don't be too picky or you will end up forever being dissatisfied and realising that no one can ever please you.

Sent via BlackBerry

Betty's Midwest Kitchen @ Aman Suria.

2011-12-19T01:51:00.000+08:00

Haven't been here in ages but this is more or less my regular place to go if I feel like having a porkie meal.

Had dinner there last Friday night and it was a full house. Needless to say, we faced trouble getting a table for ten - what more when they have a rule where you can't be seated until all heads are present.

Apart from that, dinner was really sinful, but good.

They have more piggy decorations since the last time I was there.

Mozarella cheese sticks at RM2 per stick.

Kinda tasted like the ones at Burger King.

For appetizers, we had four servings of dog food. This is really yummy but only when it's hot. RM9.

I had a burger for a change - the Jucy Lucy @ RM13.90. The plus point of this burger is the melted cheese smack right in the middle of that very fat patty. Would have snapped pictures but I don't believe in eating burgers without using your hands.

Pork belly @ RM29.90. My friends liked this, but one commented that it was too fat for him.

"Live to eat, not eat to live."

Meh.

2011-12-18T06:52:00.000+08:00

Have been feeling very 'meh' lately.

Emotionally -

Meh over myself, my feelings, and my own heart. Not knowing what I want. Somehow, I want everything and at the same time, I want nothing. I am cursed with insatiability.

Academically -

Meh over my weird results. Didn't score a HD for my strongest subject of Law. Had crazy gay ass carrying marks of 45/50, so I was expecting to do well. Plus, it was also the subject I spent the most days revising.

Instead, I scored a HD for my weakest subject of BMPP where I only had lousy carrying marks of 42/60. Didn't even cross my mind to aim for a HD because that would mean getting 43/40. In other words, a 110 out of 100 for the paper. And when I didn't do an entire essay worth 15 marks because I didn't know crap, I knew the maximum I could get for the paper would be 85; hence, further lowering my expectations to only obtaining a Credit. But hah, I got a HD. Unbelievable. The subject I only spent a day revising.

Sigh, there's some weird 'tak puas' feeling because I feel like I should have been rewarded for my effort, rather than by fluke and sheer luck.

But well, everything's finally over. No more anticipating for midnight to strike so I can check my results. It's just... over.

Physically -

Meh because I've turned into some psycho calorie counting freak. I do still indulge but there's always that guilty feeling that I feel as an aftermath.

Hmm, meh la. Just meh. The most apt word to describe me at this instance.

Wife, this is for you.

2011-12-17T03:27:00.003+08:00

Two days ago, one of my dearest friends turned 21.

Syg, I know I'm a little late, so sorry. But I didn't forget my promise :)

Anyway, I celebrated with her that night and I'm glad that by the end of it all, her status said, "I am so so soooooooooooo haaaappy! :D" because she deserves her happiness and let me tell you why.

This girl has been my other half in uni for the past five semesters. During our foundation years, we were classmates but we weren't that close; but somehow, fate brought us together later on in our second sem and we have been inseparable ever since.

She's one of those friends I have who genuinely cares for me and only wants what's best for me. I can safely say she's one of my biggest supporters, no matter what I do. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without her.

Looking back, I remember all those times she has been there for me whenever I was crying. I remember her neglecting her F&I assignment on the day of the deadline to comfort me when I broke down by the stairs; and her, looking so helpless like she wanted to cry along with me. Or even, when I called her crying for half an hour, and only after I felt better did she reveal to me that she was actually sitting in the cold and freezing in her towel because she rushed out to answer my call after her shower.

She is also the one who constantly messages me to remind me that I've to do my quizzes or my homework or to remember my deadlines or this and that because she knows I am not mindful/bothered of such things. She is the same person who worriedly calls me when I get lost just to make sure that I'm okay.

When I had a boyfriend, she would share my happiness and remember to wish me and tell me to have fun on my anniversaries. And when I broke up, she would still remember those very dates and send reminders to me telling me not to think so much and that it will be a good day.

Despite the number of people who have walked in and out of our lives, I am so grateful that we're still there for each other and we didn't lose each other along the way.

So really, with everything that I've mentioned above, how can I not love her?

Happy 21st birthday once again, my wife. With much love from your goldfish :)

p/s:

And lastly, Kuan, I still mean what I said below:

One word, one stab.

2011-12-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

Maybe I really am the most idiotic person in the world for letting this chance slip away or for not appreciating what lies right in front of me.

All because I am far too rigid and inflexible to look past a mental checklist or to accept imperfection.

But even if this all ends with regret on my part, I won't be selfish anymore.

Sent via BlackBerry

Makanananananan.

2011-12-13T23:06:00.000+08:00

The entry of the day is all about... food.

Yep, I'm predictable like that.

Also, my life is very mundane lately and revolves mainly around food. Well, unless you wanna hear about how I'm currently hooked on a lesbo series called The L Word, I think I'll just stick to talking about food?

So, despite going to the gym once every two days, it's been really hard (or close to impossible) for me to lose all the excess meat/fat around my tummy area when I am constantly being tempted by good food :(

Sunday's lunch: Ikea meatballs. The gravy is just ze bomb.

Chicken wings. Not bad. But my fav is still the deli wings from Pizza Hut although I hate the pizza there.

Daim cakes, one of the very very very few cakes I actually eat and like.

Feast for five.

Sunday's dinner: Brother's home for a week, so we went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. Salted egg squid, yum!

What all of us do - dump rice on Kevin's plate.

Salted fish with pork.

Pumpkin sauced tofu.

Nyonya steamed fish. I LOVE STEAMED FISH.

Monday's lunch: grilled sharing platter at Manhattan Fish Market.

Supper and drinks at Craft Brews.

Heh.

Adorable snowman.

I didn't even have a single sip that night. Say no to beer.

Shared a caesar salad with Meng Yan, yum yum.

Super fat wedges that make really good appetizers.

Some kinda pork.

For checking in Foursquare, they gave us this bottle of beer worth RM26.

Okay, note to self, stop indulging so much!

Mum's Place @ Damansara Perdana.

2011-12-11T03:34:00.004+08:00

Just another Thursday night, that ended up with me suffering like hell as an aftermath. Well, spicy food and beer don't really make the best combo for my stomach, as I painfully discovered.

Anyway, Wayne has been talking about some spicy spicy restaurant that he wanted to bring us to. I am a spicy freak, so obviously, I was totally game for it.

The restaurant is Mum's Place @ Damansara Perdana and the restaurant is hugeeee. Probably because it doubles as a furniture shop too (I think; so please don't quote me).

The interior there is really pretty/wooden (don't really know how else to describe wood) and in some sense, also very quirky because they had hilarious signs plastered everywhere.

Ian, the little kid.

Chee Fung, the latecomer, who came so late that we had to stare at our food for a good 20-30 minutes before we could finally start eating.

Portugese devil curry chicken. This was gooood.

Tofu, which tasted more like pudding since it was so cold by the time we dug in.

Spicy sotong. Portion we ordered was too small though.

No idea what veggie this is (er, kangkung?) but it wasn't spicy enough for me.

Awesome fish. One fish per pax, yay! "Karyn, why are you raping the fish?"

Satisfying and super onz to feel your lips burning after a good meal.

The restaurant is relatively pricier than other places since there's also the 16% tax and the bill came up to around RM162 for 5 dishes.

So after the meal, we all went our separate ways while I headed over to Laundry @ The Curve to meet some of my ex-colleagues, from back when I used to be an intern.

This is Kevin, I was introduced to him two weeks ago.

We switched locations after Happy Hour ended.

Mindy and Lai Mun.

We're 7 years apart but she's so young at heart, haha.

This is us, continuing the night at MJ @ Tropicana.

Anyway, I suffered a very uncomfortable hangover the next morning. Kinda makes me wonder, if going to that happy zone in your head is worth the consequential suffering.

But oh well :)

On a loop.

2011-12-10T18:09:00.001+08:00

And the same harsh sentences keep ringing in my head, over and over like a broken record.

"It's not that no guy is good enough for you. You're not good enough for anyone. Tell yourself that because it's true."

Sigh.

Sent via BlackBerry

Run baby run, don't ever look back.

2011-12-08T04:40:00.000+08:00

My aunt emailed this treasure of a picture to me yesterday morning. Like a boss, yes? ;)

Been neglecting this space of mine because I have regained my passion of reading books :) Yeah, I've always been an avid bookworm for as far back as I can remember. Used to devour books, refusing to put them down; reading around 5 books a day and borrowing up to 30 books at a time.

Well, lately, all the books I've been reading have a central sickening theme of abuse/rape/murder/incest. Don't ask me why since I borrowed them from a friend, but yeah. And right now, I'm not sure if the nightmares I've been getting are correlated to this but they are too interesting for me to stop.

Other than that, I spend my days eating (been cutting down a lot and not indulging as much as I used to, which sucks), going out, bumming with other humans, hitting the gym and... yeah, I guess that's it. I feel unproductive and lazy but I think I deserve the life of a sloth after all those years of studying.

Then, the only sucky thing is, there's always that nagging feeling at the back of my head, which reprimands me for not starting on my job hunting search. But I quickly bury it aside and choose to live another day in absolute denial/bliss, rather than to drown in worry.

Alright, I'll give you more access to my thoughts another day when I'm not so sleepy. Barely able to form coherent sentences now. 4.39 am, time to hit the sack. Goodnight.

1/365.

2011-12-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

I baked my first proper cake. Ever. In my entire life. Complete with decorations and icing and whatnot. Couldn't have done it without my momma's guidance though. She has always been my savior in the kitchen :)

Anyway, baking and I just never got along in the past, after a few disastrous attempts. There was even once, where I actually put in 625g of butter, when I was only supposed to dump in 125g. Yeah, go figure.

So, what was the occasion?

Well, I made it for someone's birthday. Instead of the usual handmade cards, I decided to bake a cake this time around. At the end of it all, I realised that I've no confidence when it comes to baking.

Felt like sulking because it looked so ugly and amateurish, so I whined to my wife over WhatsApp. Sigh, at least making cards is (sorta kinda) up my alley of expertise, but this is a completely foreign thing to me. I think I'll just stick to what I know best?

Okay, I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Some of the ingredients, for the chocolate cake.

I manually whisked everything, instead of using the electric mixer.

Gooey melted chocolate that I melted over a pot of hot water.

Chocolate goodness.

Adding the eggs in.

Nearing the end process.

Transferring the mixture into the pan(?) or whatever you call it.

25 minutes in the oven.

The cake looked fine, until I flipped it over.

See that hole?!?! My mum called it a pothole and started laughing her ass off at me. I didn't know I was supposed to shake the mixture or spread it nicely, so that no air bubbles/holes would be inside :'(

This is called improvisation.

Also made some pink frosting for the words.

And covered the cake with chocolate icing so it wouldn't look so ugly.

End result. Hahahahahahaa. Really, I felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

I know it looks so kiddish but it was from the heart :)

Bought a cake box and cake board the next day. So cheap! It was RM1.40 for both things?

Right after that, I took that person out for his birthday and I didn't get lost. Yay me.

I only got lost on my way home (ended up all the way in Bukit Jelutong?? sigh, I guess it's expected because it's me) but that's another story altogether.

Had a Japanese lunch at Osaka.

Some unagi + salmon sushis.

This looks like ais kacang, right?

My cute orange which fell a quick death because I tilted it without knowing it's detached from the base :(

Salmon bento set.

Happy round kid with her orange.

So apparently, the cake tasted good. But I guess we'll never know whether he lied for my sake. Maybe you guys can go over and have a taste and let me know.

Dinner was at Maria's Cafe @ Damansara Perdana.

You can't see it, but I was actually wearing flip flops. Totally doesn't go with the whole chandelier thing, right?

Cozy homely interior.

Mushroom soup, quite good. Tbh, I don't really know how to drink these kinda mushroom soups because I'm more a Campbell kinda girl. HAHA.

Grilled chicken with mushroom sauce.

Creamy seafood fettuccine.

And that's a wrap :)

Calories burned, calories gained

2011-12-03T17:51:00.001+08:00

Been so busy lately, doing nothing in particular but always doing something. All I know is, the days have been whizzing by me in a blur. I can't even differentiate the weekends from the weekdays anymore.

And by the time I get home everyday, I feel too pooped to even blog.

So, as a result, you get posts like these, where I toss everything inside at one go, like a bowl of fresh garden salad.

Took a blood test the other day because my momma wanted me to check my cholesterol level. (Fun fact: I've had high cholesterol ever since I was 12) Anyway, am supposed to collect my results right now but I've totally forgotten about it until I saw this very picture. Also, the doc was being evil and he actually injected me at my wrist even when I protested like hell. Hurt like a bitch alright.

No worries, I am a strong woman who can still smile after that.

After procrastinating for MONTHS, I finally signed up at the gym with Sha. Took the one month promo because I don't think I can be arsed to do this in the long term. We'll see.

She's my gym buddy who tortured me every time I felt like slacking.

The pretty looking pool that tastes so damn funky.

"Proper swimming attire must be worn for hygienic and modesty purposes."

After my first gym session (that lasted for 3 hours), I immediately went to play my usual badminton for another two hours. No prizes for guessing that my body was in so much pain the very next day :(

This was a different day, where teatime at MOF was really drinking hot tea. Btw, the soft serve at MOF is really delicious.

My fav steamed chicken with chinese sausage @ Zhia's Kitchen. So so good.

Went to try the roast pork at Hungry Hog with my buddies last night. Pretty tasty but the skin wasn't crispy enough.

My dinner. The portion wasn't big enough for me either :x

Wall band @ KTZ, SS2.

Favourite mango loh.

Oooh, on another note, I've also watched 50/50 and You're the Apple of my Eye.

50/50 was good. Brownie points because Joseph Gordon Levitt is in it. As for the Taiwanese movie (the first Taiwanese flick I've ever watched on big screen), it was pretty entertaining but I hated the ending so badly that I actually felt emo after that. Fate can be an asshole sometimes.

My heart really did ache during this very scene, no kidding. 8/10.

I plastered my eyes to the subtitles, so yes, that's how I understood everything (dunno why people kept asking me this). 7/10.

p/s:
I always have problems ending my posts. What do I say, goodbye?

Hungry Hog @ SS15, Subang Jaya.

2011-11-29T12:57:00.001+08:00

Had dinner at some very hidden hard-to-find pork restaurant on Saturday with an orang kesayangan that prior to this, I never knew existed. That's extremely surprising, seeing that it's located in SS15.

If not through word-of-mouth or aimlessly driving around that area, I don't think you can ever find it. Best thing is, it's close to where I stay so I don't have to travel all the way to Aman Suria for Betty's anymore.

So here, introducing to you, Hungry Hog.

Too many people have been asking me where it is, so I'll just save you guys the trouble and detail everything out here. I initially wanted to just keep the location to myself but oh well, I figured that good things are meant to be shared.

The restaurant had very simple interior, decorated with odd bits and pieces.

What do you do while the other person is ordering food? Take pictures.

Signature pork burger with ham, bacon and pork patty. It was yummmmy. It's called 3 Little Pigs @ RM15.90.

Yes, this pork chop was as sinful as it looks. So much fat too but I like.

Juicy juicy. RM19.90.

Overview of the satisfying dinner :)

What's love? This.

Bacon ice cream @ RM4.90 per scoop (or was it RM3.90?). I saw this in the desserts section and I just had to try it even though the combination sounded so weird. But then again, I like bacon and I like ice cream, so I should like this right? WRONG.

Conclusion, I will definitely go back there to try the other porkie items on their menu.

Meanwhile, lazed at Chilla Cup after dinner because I was too tired to watch a movie. If the movie sucked, I would probably just doze off.

Coffee sucks, sofas are nice.

Hmm, has anyone else realised how my blog is dominated by food pictures?

When it's over.

2011-11-27T17:13:00.000+08:00

First things first!

Unofficially graduated, as of 3pm on 26th November 2011 ;)

No, I am definitely not going to fail anything. So after my last paper ended, I self-declared that I've graduated. No, don't ask me what I want to do now because I want to remain in denial for a little longer please. No, do not tell me it's a scary world out there because I already know that.

Anyway, here are some accumulated pictures over the last few days when I was busy studying for my papers.

Presenting to you, my very pretty cheatsheet for my CISB subject.

Just looking at it makes me dizzy. You can tell two things from this picture: 1) I am very good at utilising space. 2) I am just too hardworking (let's not use the word kiasu hahaha)

For those of you who are curious as to whether I can actually read everything.

Night before my very last paper, where Shan Lung kept tempting me to watch a movie with him since we already passed the subject anyway. (yeah I know my face is perfectly round in this picture)

We wanted to discuss our case study online due to geographical difficulties but it failed because the Starbucks I was in was far too noisy and I didn't bring headphones either :(

Rewarded our studying efforts with Nando's. Shared a 'peri peri nice nice set for 2' or some gay name like that with SL. Their caesar salad wasn't that good, so I saved it by dumping a whole lot of peri peri sauce inside.

Mmm, their wedges were good.

I am a Nando's fangirl.

Happy meal.

Us yesterday. Everyone was in party mode minutes before the final paper took place. But the paper killed us all! We all thought only two essays were coming out but when we saw five, we nearly fainted. The time constraint was just crazy :'(

Rewarded ourselves and celebrated by going shopppiiiinnnnggggg. Desserts too.

Wasn't a good idea to shop though on a Saturday because Pyramid was swarmed. Just looking at the queues and crowds was enough to make us feel tired.

This looks so healthy, right? Not mine. I don't eat any of the fruits seen in this picture.

Married for 2.5 years.

This was mine. We couldn't stop laughing when we saw the size of that dessert. Same thing happened to me the last time and I struggled to finish it :(

Stressfully thinking, "Shit, how am I gonna finish that?" Managed to leave behind only 20%.

Also married for 2.5 years.

My dinner post next. I'm getting lazy.

p/s:
I just feel so free and liberated now. I could sleep so peacefully last night without worrying about a single thing :) denial is a good place to hide in for now.

And this is it, the end.

2011-11-26T10:24:00.000+08:00

At this very point in time, when I should still be squeezing in some last minute revision for my exam (eta 3 hours), it suddenly hit me hard that it's all coming to an end for me today.

Four years of slaving and it's all over. Poof, like a flash. It really didn't feel that long for me. The ten subjects in foundation coupled with the 24 subjects I've just completed.

I know I complain about academic stress a lot - about everything ranging from sucky deadlines to stupid subjects to studying for an exam to making a kiasu cheatsheet to dumb assignments and everything else in between.

But regardless of all that, a part of me still loved studying (I think, or maybe it was just the moments I spent with my friends) and I'm pretty sure I'll forever love it more than earning my own dough or joining the rat race.

I am sad now. A huge chapter of my life is now done.

Just thinking about it brought tears to my eyes because I'm an emotional sucker like that.

Goodbye student life, hello real world.

p/s:

Just because you're not in the photos does not mean you're not in my heart. They were conveniently taken off Facebook because I gotta get ready for my exam soon :)

pp/s:

Or maybe we barely took pictures together, hee.

Sayonara.

2011-11-25T10:29:00.001+08:00

After my paper yesterday, I really felt like jumping off a cliff or into the available lake that is at my uni. For as far back as I can remember, I don't think I've ever not known how to answer an entire essay.

That happened to me during my last two days of being a student. Just great. Heart felt a stab when I looked at all those marks I threw away and at the ugly grade I'll most probably be getting (unless I can score a 100 for my other essays - yeah right). Oh well.

Last day tomorrow (on a freaking Saturday) and even if I don't sit for my paper, I already have a P1 in hand. But a P1 is really ugly, so I still have to give it my all.

Why oh why must I be such a nerd?

p/s:
Don't worry guys, no more nerdy posts coming your way after tomorrow :)

Communication and Information Systems whaaattt?

2011-11-22T10:00:00.002+08:00

I don't know why my course made the ridiculous decision to combine two totally different (and boring) subjects together.

Communication (which is about non-verbal behaviour, interpersonal skills, culture and all that shit) with information systems (computer processes, business technology, data mining and bla bla). It's making my brain go haywire because... how are they even related?

And I've already taken the communication subject in my very first semester. So technically, I'm actually being forced to repeat half of my syllabus :(

Anyway, enough complaints from me. Today will be the day I make an epic cheatsheet to bring into the exam hall tomorrow. I make the craziest cheatsheets that consume hours and hours of my time (what to do, I'm kiasu). Wish me luck!

But I'll only do it after I eat my roti canai (craving of the morning, haven't eaten it for 5 years already).

Yeah I'm a weirdo, it's affirmative.

p/s:
Pigs are gonna fly if I start craving for durian. Let's see.

Emo.

2011-11-21T09:59:00.000+08:00

Because girls will be girls.

My food cravings are getting out of hand. I can crave for multiple things at a time and if I don't fulfill the damn craving, it will forever linger at the back of my mind. Seriously, I can't stop thinking about food and this is worrying me.

Is this even normal?

It totally kills my concentration, leaving me unable to focus. I would read a sentence, think of food, read another sentence, think of food again, and the vicious cycle repeats. It's the absolute worst when I'm trying to study, when I want to sleep, or when it's in the middle of the night.

Sigh. It's getting scary and so utterly ridiculous that I think I need help. I know the topic I'm ranting about sounds so idiotic but I am being serious over here.

What really got on my nerves was when I suddenly craved for some red velvet yesterday. I couldn't stop envisioning it, bite after bite, and it's something that I've only eaten twice in my life. The stupidest thing is, I don't even like or eat cake, so why was I craving for something I don't fancy? It does not make sense.

Like this morning, I couldn't study because all I could think of was food. I wasn't even hungry, mind you. It's just that when the thought of eating springs to my head, I just have to act on it. HAVE TO. So yes, at 7 in the morning, I asked my mum to accompany me to have breakfast just so I could study in peace after that.

Seriously, most of the time, I'm not even hungry. I just want to eat, keep busy, or munch on something. Okay, I am well aware that I sound like some obsessed loony with the way I'm talking. But please let me know that there are other loonies out there, someone who can actually relate to me?

And it's not just that. Eating makes me put on unwanted weight and they all go straight down to my tummy and thighs. This makes me unhappy but I just can't stop unless you strap me up in a straitjacket.

My god, I really need help. Bye.